Saturday, 16 April 2011

Liechtenstein it ain't

I see that from a mere $70,000 it is possible to rent the Principality of Liechtenstein for a night.  That's a whole country.  Included in the price are customised street signs, a temporary currency, and a free wine tasting, while extras include toboggan rides, horse-drawn carriages and fireworks. 

This got me thinking, so I put on my entrepreneurial hat (the one in the spare room wardrobe, underneath the dead cameras and unopened cookery books).  As a result, I am pleased to announce that, subject to successful negotiations with my neighbours, you will shortly be able to rent the entire Close beside my house:

Customised street signs will unfortunately not be available, but there are good views of the fascinatingly quaint existing ones:

I am proposing that the temporary currency be pounds, shillings and pence, and will be talking to Mervyn King about the practicalities.  Glasses of Thames Valley Water, freshly drawn from yellow hosepipes, will be available (subject to hosepipe bans).  A visit to the Close car park, of special interest to connoisseurs of used condoms and syringes, is included in the price.

Optional extras include a tour of the highlights of my garden:

and viewings of some fine potholes.  There may also be an abandoned white van with flat tyres.

Bookings will open shortly for the summer of 2012.  Be sure to apply early, as demand is certain to be heavy in the absence of any other significant attractions in Britain at that time.

The price is yet to be determined.  17/6d should about cover it.

Oh, and there are grokes, of course.


  1. can I be the first to book please !!! be something different to Cornwall Wales and Scotland , let me know what dates you are opening !! its a bargain at 17/6d mind you I might not be able to afford the petrol in 2012 to get there !! oh exciting !!!

  2. Are there any grokes there? Sounds pretty dangerous to me. Sure looked like groke-frost by those flowerpots.

  3. Didn't you notice the last item on the post, Rosie? Have another look.

  4. Well....isn't that just typical of grokes. You never see them at first. The purple ones are especially vexing.

  5. At least two hattifattners, communicating telepathically. No antlions spotted as yet, probably due to lack of sand.

  6. You need to get a hemulen in there.

  7. And you were freaked out by Lord Of The Rings?!