I did! Almost all of it! Somebody had to.
What a bummer, I have to say. At a stroke, Gary Barlow and the rest of them managed to dissipate 75% of the goodwill that yesterday's great populist pageant had engendered. What an appallingly awful set of performances. Not to mention That Song, so counterproductively called 'Sing' - I'd need a lot of money to be persuaded to compose anything worse.
So, just a few lowlights (and two high ones):
A kind of inverse highlight: I was terrified that Elton was going to conclude with 'Candle in the Wind'. I really was. Amazingly, he summoned up better taste. That doesn't happen often.
Rolf was valiantly struggling to fill in with Maggie's favourite song, uncued and unaccompanied, and just getting the crowd going when Stevie Wonder's road crew finally managed to get set up and have the poor man hauled off mid-impro. I imagine Stevie going "get him off NOW or I'm on my plane."
He should have been. He was dreadful. He seemed to think it was her birthday, and his incomprehensible henchman addressed her as 'Your Highness'. I mean, really. And WTF was he doing there anyway? Representing the Colonies or something?
Highspot #1: Madness on the roof, with some great projections onto Buck house (which the Beeb, with their customary ineptitude, managed to miss most of.) 'It Must Be Love' momentarily made me want to be there.
Macca sounded and looked over the hill. I'd really hoped he'd end with the final track from Abbey Road, but instead he inexplicably chose to croak through 'Live and Let Die' - eh? - which contains the worst lyric even he has been able to come up with - "the changing world in which we live in".
Highspot #2: Charlie! Didn't he do well? For a moron who long will hopefully not reign over us.
Still, at least the beacon got lit. They'll need it to reignite the Olympic torch.