Thursday, 10 July 2008

Jokes

These should be as nearly original, or at least unattributable, as possible. No overt filth please!

Here's a starter, wholly original to me I think, because I actually dreamt it, a few years ago:

Having had a minor invasion of mice, I bought a tin of rat poison, and read the instructions on the label. At the bottom, in small print, it said 'Rat Not Included.'

1 comment :

  1. Wendy's dishwasher broke so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll post you a cheque."

    "Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you. But,whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

    When the repairman arrived at Wendy's house the following day, he
    discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he had ever seen.
    But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

    The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain
    himself any longer and yelled,

    "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

    To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

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