Tuesday, 16 February 2010

The Brits

Yes, I watch this stuff so you don't have to. Your own personal Sky+ Box. Here are the awards you wouldn't have seen on the telly even if you had watched:
  • Most obnoxious winner: Liam Gallagher, for muttering a few pissed obscenities and throwing his undeserved award at the audience. We love you nearly as much as you love us, Liam.
  • Most self-centred presenter: Geri Halliwell, who seemed to think she'd won something herself.
  • Most nervously pathetic producer: whoever it was at ITV who muted the sound whenever an artist who might say 'fuck' appeared on screen. Even after the watershed.
  • Best live performance: Lady Gaga, with a new song about Ali McQueen. (Also for costume inspiration. Also for being wonderful. (Both of them.)) (Supplementary award for inappropriateness to Geri Halliwell and Courtney Love, who both said 'I'd rather she'd sung something we knew.')
  • Best chat line: Lily Allen. Interviewer: 'So, how will you celebrate?' Lily: 'Dunno... drink, maybe?'
  • Worst 'live' performance: Cheryl Cole. Extra points for most blatently incompetent lipsynch.
  • Lifetime achievement for faked sincerity: Robbie Williams.
  • Hot female fashion tip: flash black knickers (front or back).


  1. Update. I'm relieved to learn that it wasn't his award that Liam threw at the audience, but his microphone. Relieved, because it makes him even worse.

  2. I have to agree with your every word. Apart from Lady Gaga it was a sad collection of humans and a lot of self-praise. I cannot stand award shows like this but why do I watch them?