- I followed a security van down the Oxford Road this morning. On the back of the van was a sticker, apparently meant seriously: "POLICE: FOLLOW THIS VAN"
- The instructions on my Ginster's Cornish Pasty say: "Preheat oven to 180C. Place on a baking tray."
- On the A322 near Bagshot, there's a road sign, pointing left, which reads: "A329 BRACKNELL. A329M READING (M4). All Other Attractions."
- In the Guardian the other day, a diary item referred to someone who's apparently writing an "unauthorised autobiography" of Boris Johnson.
- Duchy Originals Dry Cured Back Rashers: "Free range pork loins massaged by hand with sea salt and sugar, cured slowly and then marinated in duchy old ruby ale and smoked over cherry wood chips ..." Don't know why that's funny, but it is. It's bacon, FFS, Charlie.
There's another one, which I'll put up later (if I can be bothered).