Thursday, 28 March 2013

100 Things Not To Do Before You Die

(Or do again.) 
(Inspired by my sister's nut loaf recipe.)

The first twenty five:

1.      Make a nut loaf.

2.      Make a nut roast.

3.      Cook nuts in anything other than a stirfry, and then only under very precise circumstances dictated by Kenneth Lo.

4.      Drink Drambuie by the schooner.

5.      Eat tripe.

6.      Eat reduced oysters.

7.      Drink Mateus Rosé by the pint.

8.      Lose the car.

9.      Dream about losing the car.

10.  Drown your sorrows.

11.  Buy any more technology on spec.

12.  Put dead technology in the attic.

13.  Fall asleep during ‘The One Show’.

14.  Stay awake during ‘The One Show’.

15.  Try to grow parsley from seed.

16.  Poke a crumbly cork through the neck into the bottle.

17.  Go to North Africa for a relaxing holiday.

18.  See Naples (except from the sea).

19.  Fail to watch paint dry.

20.  Try to beat the T-reg BMW off the lights.

21.  Drink too much for celebration.

22.  Neglect your strengths.

23.  Walk away from situations without resolving them.

24.  Accidentally eat a whole packet of salted cashew nuts whilst not watching ‘The One Show’.

25.  Vote UKIP.





  1. I am muddled as to what to do during the One Show... This evening it was on during my first reading of this post... so I suppose I sort of ignore it.

  2. I'm usually out in the kitchen during the One Show. I come back in to bring the Sage a drink and find him reading the paper or writing emails. I've never actually seen the One Show. Has anyone?

    How do you reduce an oyster?

  3. What is One Show? Oh! I googled. this entry reads like a soap opera synopsis.
    Please don't sell it to the Aussie moguls. Some things are never meant to reach this outpost of Empire.

    And, yes, please explain oyster reduction.

  4. Reduced oysters are oysters that are being sold off at half price at your local upmarket superstore on Christmas Eve, so that you can enjoy a traditional seafood supper and then elicit equal quantities of amusement and commiseration from your companions for the rest of the festive period, whilst risking a critical toilet paper shortage. Don't go there!

  5. I haven't got a schooner so is it ok to not drink Drambuie by the kayak, or even sitting in it?

  6. I've missed the One Show altogether. Is that ok?

  7. I think I've got another one for your list - well, it would go on mine .... clean venetian blinds.