Let’s see if I’ve got this right.
King-In-Waiting (maybe), bored out of his head by hyperactive underemployment, employs black spider to write irascible scrawls to anonymised government functionaries, believed to include ministers of the (yes!) Crown, about topics of personal interest, including (we may assume, since we can’t know): the number of motorcycle outriders needed to bring Windsor town centre to a standstill whenever he wants to visit mummy; the brand of nail scissors being used to manicure the lawns at Highgrove; or his Toothbrush-Batman’s* complaints about the difficulty of squeezing these new-fangled plastic tubes from the bottom up, the old lead ones were so much better. There may be others.
All smacks of National Security to me. But no, I stand corrected by no less a personage than the attorney general. (Who, as a minister of the Crown, will one day report indirectly to aforesaid King-In-Waiting. Maybe.) No, the problem is as follows.
The monarch is constitutionally obliged to be politically neutral. The black spider letters, if published, would incontrovertibly demonstrate that the heir to the throne is no such thing. Which we already know to be true. Therefore, they can’t be published, otherwise we would all start believing what we already know to be true.
Have I got it right? I have, haven’t I?
What I tell you three times is true.
* See what I did there?