That’s an extract from a text I received today from my
beloved mobile phone provider, who are also, they inform me, consistently voted
the best mobile phone provider in the universe, exactly by whom or how is less
than lucidly clear.
Anyway, the above quote intrigued me purely from a semantic
point of view. To take the easy bit
first, what do they mean by successfully?
Assuming they’re not actually listening in, it’s more than possible –
nay, it’s probable – that my attempt to contact the right department at the
local council to ask them why they hadn’t swept the leaves from their trees from
the pavement outside my house, even though it’s December and the rotting leaves
are a pedestrian skid hazard, was entirely unsuccessful. But they clearly assume that the mere fact
that the call had a beginning and an end – the latter not caused by them –
equates to success. They obviously don’t
include the ones that didn’t even start because there was no signal.
More substantially, 100% of what? 100 is a very big number, so I could be
tempted to imagine that I’d made a lot of calls, all of which were ‘successful’. Actually, there were probably five. 100% of five is still five.
And finally, why are they so needy? This message had zero value to me – it was entirely
and only about them and how wonderful they find themselves. Why do they need to tell me so? I’ve met blokes at parties who do that, and I
tend to nod, smile and after five minutes look over their shoulder and catch
someone else’s eye. Is that what whodavone
(for it is they) want me to do?
