Thursday, 2 February 2012

How to be a politician 2012

  1. Think of something your advisors say people might believe.
  2. Say it.
  3. Say the opposite.
  4. [optional step] Claim to have been quoted out of context.
  5. Accuse your opponents of having said it first.
  6. Accuse your opponents of having said the opposite first.
  7. Think of the worst joke you can.
  8. Say it.
  9. Deny that it was a joke.
  10. Deny that you said it.
  11. [optional step] Claim to have been quoted out of context.
  12. Wait until the last possible moment before press time.
  13. Think of something else your advisors say people might believe.
  14. Return to step 2.


  1. You lost me at the start. A politician who thinks? Surely that's not entirely plausible?

  2. Why so complicated?
    From a German point of view:
    Lie, lie, lie - and don't give a damn on anything. Admit only what even yer attornies can't deny anymore, and return to step one.

    Makes you acceptable for Bundespräsident, secretary of defence or any other simple task we can find here.
    And yes - keep the word "Ehre" in yer mouth, you can not spell it and have no idea about its meaning, but it tastes good.

  3. Wednesday
    Prime Minister:
    "There are tens of thousands of general practitioners up and down the country who are implementing our reforms because they want decisions to be made by doctors, not bureaucrats"
    Dr. Clare Gerada, President of the Royal College of General Practitioners:
    "We cannot sit back. Instead, we must once again raise our concerns in the hope that the prime minister will halt this damaging, unnecessary and expensive reorganisation which, in our view, risks leaving the poorest and most vulnerable in society to bear the brunt."
    PM to come up with worst joke ever next?

  4. "Think of something that's true" - who is this politician who can recognise true? I can't believe I've even put both words in the same sentence.

  5. You're right, I was being naive. I have amended steps 1 and 13 accordingly.

  6. Yeah.. I'm watching the repeats of Borgen too....

  7. Exactly the same is happening here. Is there any hope, do you think? But to lighten the darkness we did have presidential hopeful François Hollande the other day quoting Shakespeare: 'All men must have a dream and if they fail to follow it they're lost' or something like. Only it wasn't William S., it was Nicholas. Later a woman threw a bag of flour over him, presumably to spare his blushes. This could be your Step 14.