Thursday, 2 February 2012

How to be a politician 2012

  1. Think of something your advisors say people might believe.
  2. Say it.
  3. Say the opposite.
  4. [optional step] Claim to have been quoted out of context.
  5. Accuse your opponents of having said it first.
  6. Accuse your opponents of having said the opposite first.
  7. Think of the worst joke you can.
  8. Say it.
  9. Deny that it was a joke.
  10. Deny that you said it.
  11. [optional step] Claim to have been quoted out of context.
  12. Wait until the last possible moment before press time.
  13. Think of something else your advisors say people might believe.
  14. Return to step 2.
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7 comments:

  1. Z2 February 2012 at 22:17

    You lost me at the start. A politician who thinks? Surely that's not entirely plausible?

    ReplyDelete
  2. 63mago3 February 2012 at 01:28

    Why so complicated?
    From a German point of view:
    Lie, lie, lie - and don't give a damn on anything. Admit only what even yer attornies can't deny anymore, and return to step one.

    Makes you acceptable for Bundespräsident, secretary of defence or any other simple task we can find here.
    And yes - keep the word "Ehre" in yer mouth, you can not spell it and have no idea about its meaning, but it tastes good.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Richard WalkL3 February 2012 at 08:24

    Wednesday
    Prime Minister:
    "There are tens of thousands of general practitioners up and down the country who are implementing our reforms because they want decisions to be made by doctors, not bureaucrats"
    Thursday
    Dr. Clare Gerada, President of the Royal College of General Practitioners:
    "We cannot sit back. Instead, we must once again raise our concerns in the hope that the prime minister will halt this damaging, unnecessary and expensive reorganisation which, in our view, risks leaving the poorest and most vulnerable in society to bear the brunt."
    PM to come up with worst joke ever next?

    ReplyDelete
  4. allotmentqueen4 February 2012 at 09:55

    "Think of something that's true" - who is this politician who can recognise true? I can't believe I've even put both words in the same sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tim4 February 2012 at 10:58

    You're right, I was being naive. I have amended steps 1 and 13 accordingly.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Macy5 February 2012 at 19:57

    Yeah.. I'm watching the repeats of Borgen too....

    ReplyDelete
  7. Christopher6 February 2012 at 15:36

    Exactly the same is happening here. Is there any hope, do you think? But to lighten the darkness we did have presidential hopeful François Hollande the other day quoting Shakespeare: 'All men must have a dream and if they fail to follow it they're lost' or something like. Only it wasn't William S., it was Nicholas. Later a woman threw a bag of flour over him, presumably to spare his blushes. This could be your Step 14.

    ReplyDelete

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