I see that a conceptual artist called Marina Abramovic is putting on a piece called '512 Hours' at the Serpentine Gallery from 11 June. The work consists of her wandering around the Gallery for eight hours a day, six days a week, doing precisely nothing except interact with visitors. To quote her: “There are no objects and no art works on the wall but there will be props … the public will be her [sic] living material which she is going to interact with 8 hours a day.”
As you know, I too am a conceptual artist, and never able to resist a challenge I’ve gone one better. So I’m delighted to announce my performance piece, entitled ‘Nothing Doing Nothing’, which will commence tomorrow, for an unspecified duration and at randomly selected times.
I have taken Marina’s concept to its ultimate extreme by eliminating not only any artifacts, but also the audience itself. Nobody but me will be present, and nobody will know precisely what the work consists of – it could be sitting on the sofa, emptying the dishwasher, scratching myself, refiling the LPs, singing ‘I’ve Got You Under My Skin’ to myself at midnight … You will never know what this artwork is, or was.
It may not be all that entertaining, but think what it will do for your imagination.
P.S. Abramovic is apparently, rather wonderfully, being accused of plagiarism.