Dear Google

 There, that caught your attention, didn’t it?

I am pleased to advise you of an amazing money-saving offer.  From today, you DO NOT NEED to develop inconceivably expensive spyware for the purpose of constructing targeted advertising to irritate, and be ignored by, its recipient, because I and my thousands of friends have agreed to share, openly and free of let and hindrance*, all the information you need, simply by completion of the following simple form**:

 NAME:          Tom Riddle

ADDRESS:    4 Privet Drive

                     Azkaban

                     England

                     Europe

                     The World

                     The Solar System

                     The Milky Way

                     The Universe

PHONE:        )!!*(%)”%”!

EMAIL:     (xxx @ xxx.com)

SPECIAL INTERESTS:

Witchcraft

Making ill-advised jokes about blowing things up

Inverted pyramids

World domination

The special effects of asparagus (sprue) 

EXCLUSIONS:

I do not wish to receive communications from the following:

·         Yummy Pizzas

·         Kozy Kabs

·         ‘Youbettamoveorelsewelldowngradeyourneighbourhood’ estate agents 

* Terms and conditions apply.

** Sample only.