Tuesday, 22 March 2011

"Honey, I'm bored"

I've been sort of thinking for some time about relocating, so it's time to investigate the options in more detail.  This place looks pretty good.  I'll have to liquidate a few assets to raise the necessary £61 million for the show apartment, plus I'll need to put a bit aside to acquire and maintain the trophy wife, but it's an avenue worth pursuing in more detail, isn't it?

Except, I wonder what it'll actually be like?  Imagine that the trophy wife and I have just been eased out of bed by the 24 hour room service, and are having a conversation about what to do today.

Me (brightly): So - breakfast on the veranda or the balcony?
TW (yawning): Same old views.  Hyde Park or Knightsbridge.  I've seen Hyde Park.  And Knightsbridge. 
Me: I know.  A movie.  In our own cinema.  We don't even have to go out, and the staff will carry us in there.
TW: We've seen all the movies.  They're crap.
Me: Well.  Um.  You could cook us lunch.  In the family kitchen.  Or pretend to.
TW (irritated): Why would I want to do that?
Me: Because ... (unable to answer this.) How about a swim?
TW: Tim, that pool's a shared facility, FFS.  We'd have to mix with the hoi polloi from those other eighty-five cheap flats downstairs.  They smell.
Me: You could check the finish on the hand-stitched leather panelling in the hall.  Again.
TW: I'd rather take a box cutter to it.  Honey, I'm bored!
I ponder for a bit while she checks her nails.
Me: We could go for a walk, I suppose.
TW: Honey, you know I hate walking.

On second thoughts, perhaps not.


  1. Hilarious.
    Richard Curtis has nothing on your sketches.
    But no, go the other way, but needs a TW who likes walking the coast path.
    nice spot
    another one
    or even
    here where you could collect the harbour dues

  2. Soaring 兄弟. One smart cookie.

  3. Oh, and if I found myself in One Hyde Park I would run away screaming.

  4. Ha, ha babel fish it. Copy and paste.

  5. Very good! I thought it was 'wing dings' at first :)