News From 2020

It’s hard to credit that, back in 2013, scarcely anyone managed to predict what now looks like the inexorable course of events which led to our current interesting times.  As an early adapter of Googapple’s ‘iToldUso’ app, I’m sending this summary back to an obscure blog.

In 2014, the Scots voted narrowly to secede from the hitherto United Kingdom, and to apply for new-country membership of the European Union, which was rapidly granted by a filing clerk in Brussels with too much time and an antique rubber stamp on his hands.  A mischievous condition was that they had either to join the Euro or create their own currency.  Naturally, the new Scottish government under President Ferguson chose the latter, and the Scottish Poond was born.  In a far-reaching compromise, it was agreed that it would be tied at parity to the Pound.

There was much debate as to the name for the remainder of the old United Kingdom.  ‘The United’ was rejected as divisive, especially given the Scottish president’s background, and an acronym from ‘Kingdom, England, Wales, And Northern iReland’ was deemed provocative.  Eventually, after a joint campaign by the Sun, the Mirror and the Telegraph, it was decided simply to call it ‘England’.

It all went quiet then, until in 2017 the Lawson government led England to victory in the referendum to leave the EU.  (Cameron having been forced to resign after his abject failure to renegotiate the shape of bananas and policemen’s helmets.)  The details are not yet clear, or even emerging, but it seems that the Poond has to stay tied to the Pound, which in turn may be tied to the Dollar, or maybe the Rouble.  Or the Renminbi.  Or something.  Meanwhile the Euro might, subject to a Europe-wide referendum, be split into two – the Neuro and the Seuro – leaving the European Central Bank isolated on the periphery. 

We shall see.  The planned referenda on Welsh, Cornish and East Anglian independence could prove to be influential.  Interesting times.  Unfortunately I have just been informed that the pilot of the iToldUso app has been cancelled due to lack of interest.