You don’t have to work here to be mad…

… although it probably helps, if ‘here’ refers to the American Psychiatric Association, which has just announced [DSM-5] a whole new raft of mental illnesses, including over-eating sometimes, saying ‘no’ to your parents whilst being a child, liking sex too much (possibly whilst being a teenager), finding it hard to throw Stuff away, and having a strop over and above your assigned quota.

I exaggerate for comic effect (EXFCE syndrome, probably), but the serious point is that all these conditions are supposedly mainly rooted in biology (genes, diet and so forth) and correctible by pharmaceutical means, rather than environmentally rooted and correctible by listening and talking.  Of course, the truth is, and always has been, a mix of the two.  Nature vs nurture, ho hum.  The debate rages, apparently.

Anyway, extensive research within my own imagination has uncovered some as yet undiagnosed mental disorders:

OMM: Only Money Matters.  The belief that owning increasing volumes of the means of exchange trumps every other measure of well-being.  A secondary complication is PPDM, Poor People Don’t Matter.  The condition may well be hereditary.

MOAG: Must Own A Gun.  The concept that the only way to modify another’s behaviour is to kill them.  Prevalent in the Americas, but on the increase everywhere.  Either environmental or not, depending on whether you take ‘2001, A Space Odyssey’ to be literal truth.

BLAT: Big Lies Are Truth.  Not new, but resurfacing in subtle, genetically or statistically modified forms.

ADS: Austerity Deficit Syndrome.  The capability to persist in self-destructive activity because not to do so would be even more self-destructive.  Actually, that one’s quite sane, isn’t it?  So that means George Osborne is sane?  Oh, I see my case collapsing …

No known medication exists for any of these (believe me, they’ve tried them all), but a simple behavioural remedy is available, commonly known as a vote.